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Balance makes the world go round?

You know that saying, money makes the world go round, very true, it does. If you think money does not matter well you’re wrong it does. It allows us to live freely, it allows us to indulge in the things we want / need, it allows us to provide for our children, it allows us to afford the basic necessities and then some, it allows us to have homes, cars, put our kids in sports, buy clothes, shoes and other materialistic things. Money is essential to society as well as economy. Money from an individual stand point as well as from the bigger picture is important and it absolutely does make this world and my world go round. Being money hungry is something that drives me along with my need and want for success. I would be lying to myself and to everyone else if I didn’t admit I love money just as much as the next, it’s part of who I am, it’s part of what drives me, fuck it’s part of how myself along with everyone else survives. But I would also be lying if I said i thought it wasn’t part of something bigger. Money, the thing that makes the world go round is driven by something bigger.

Balance, balance is what makes the world go round. Without that balance there is no money to make the world go round. From the bigger perspective or from an individual standpoint without that balance you lose everything. Balance is the thing you hear moms complaining about, bosses complaining about, employees complaining about, teachers complaining about. That overwhelming feeling you get from all of your kids, all of your responsibilities or all of your employees, all of your duties, or that feeling when you're running around like a pig in shit, that all stems from balance. Anxiety, depression, hurt, happiness, sadness, all of those emotions whatever it may be BALANCE is key. Everyday life, showing up to your place of work, running multiple businesses, maintaining your responsibilities, trying to pursue your greatest endeavors, parenting, making your relationships work, none of that is possible without that Balance thing.

Well thats my take on the the bigger picture and that whole thing anyways. That little spiel aside you're probably assuming I'm super keen on this whole balance thing and that I have it all together, or that I've really mastered balance thus providing me with money to make my world go round, or maybe you don't assume that at all but either way; Fuck no, Definitely not the case. I'm a total shit show. I am chaos at its finest, I'm also perfection, but Im definitely an utter ball of disorganization just about 24 hours a day.

One day I have it together and I'm literally building an empire and the next day I'm sitting in the passenger seat of my car on the driveway at 6:30 AM balling my eyes out -I'm not quite sure why I'm in the passenger seat, but thats where I wound up-. At times I can start my day at 5:00 AM, please my man, take care of all of the kids and work at the same time, cook, clean, take them to wherever they need to go, cook again, clean again, please my man again, run around the block 8 times, start a business plan, reorganize my office, put the kids to sleep, watch tv, complain about the mess again, clean the mess again, finish the night at 3:00AM the following day, and do it all over again the next day but there are times when I literally need my hand held to even put the bread in the toaster or to walk into a meeting or I need my hubby to put my shoes on for me.

One day for me is as unpredictable as the next and I can be extremely hard on myself for that. There are two very distinct parts of me, the part that created these ideas, values and methods to live by, and the part that executes them. Well it's easier said then done to actually balance all of the shit I have to do in my life and it tears me apart. For every productive day theres 6 days that equate to a shit show. Laundry stacked, dishes stacked, paperwork not where it should be, multiple unfinished work projects, unfinished yard work, unfinished renovations. It's hard because I am an overachiever, I am a doer. I am like that girl that just gets it done, so when I don't get it done or I run out of time, or I'm just too fucking tired, it eats at me and eats at me. I think one of the biggest things that emotionally and mentally messes with me is always feeling as if in all of this, all the daily BS I have to do, and all of the time I have to spend at work, I always feel like I didn't do enough for the kids. Let me just point out, I am extremely lucky, other than two trips to Minnesota without our oldest daughter, my overnight bachelorette party, a one night get away to the .... two business trips, and two hospital stays due to pushing out my other kids I have spent every single day of my kids lived with them. I wake them up almost every morning and I put them to sleep almost every night, but for me its still not enough.

Though this tends to throw me into a slight depression,- all of the ups and downs of life and my basic duties and responsibilities- and it really takes a toll on me to be living actually to me what seems like a very unbalanced life, it also is what puts me into 'GO' mode. My shortcomings, my mistakes, my lack of time, my extreme disorganization, my chaotic life are actually what makes me thrive. I thrive in chaos, I thrive in exhaustion, I thrive in disorganization, I thrive in having to be three places at once when theres only one of me, I thrive when I know theres a 5:00PM deadline and its 4:52PM, I thrive when I have to squeeze 10 hours of work into the 2 hours I have. I cut it close, I cut it really close, and I spread myself thinner then I should, but I realized its actually this that made me realize why I preach balance is key. All of this is the balance makes my world go round. Everything that unbalances my life and creates the chaos and disorganization is what pushes me to balance, and that the answer to how I do it all, to how I go above and beyond and work harder, longer, and still manage to be a full time parent and wife.

It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and its okay to feel like you either aren't doing enough or are doing it all wrong. It's different for everyone, and how you come to what's going to make you thrive. You might think you're a shit show like myself, but take a minute and remind yourself even if thats the case, you're doing it, you're living everyday with whatever that entails for you.

Balance makes my shit show of a life and my chaotic beautiful world go round.

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